This is the first of many letters you’ll receive from me.
I am up at this late hour, thinking of you, and can’t get to sleep.
I am wishing I could see your face, touch your hands, and kiss your cheeks.
You are eleven months old.
My first and only niece.
I keep running this horrible situation through my mind and still can’t believe what has happened.
I don’t know what I’m allowed to write, or what I can and can’t tell you. I’m sure it will be many years before you even get to have this letter….
None of this makes sense. I think about you every day, all day long, I haven’t been able to sleep since I first found out you were born.
Writing is the only way I can be close to you, to tell you how much I love you, to tell you how I feel.
I can’t imagine what this will do to you.
I can tell you that we all love you so much , we miss you, we talk about you everyday, and we try to keep you with us as much as we can.
We all wanted you so badly. The thought of you not being able to be with us, your family, is the worst hurt and deepest pain any of us has ever had to bear. I don’t think any of us have ever cried from the depths of our souls like we have over you….
There is so much I want to do for you.
To see you take your first step, to hear you laugh, to watch you play….
It will be so many years until you are able to know all the facts.
I wait and pray for that day.
None of us has ever felt the enormous void that we now feel, since one of our own was so wrongfully taken. We went through so much to get you back. We tried harder just to be looked at as your family; as people who loved you with all our hearts. We would walk through fire just to have you home.
I want to spend time with you, to talk to you, to let you know who your family is and what we’re all about. I know we’re all painted as strangers, but that is something we’ll never be.
You come from Latin decent, Puerto Rican and Mexican to be exact, and you are also Norwegian on your Grandfather’s side. To us, family is the most important thing.
The are so many people who love you…. aunts, uncles, cousins, none of which will ever accept any of this.
When I look at you, I see my sister, I see myself, I see a part of our family.
When I think about all the things we have missed and will miss, it breaks my heart.
I am up every night, missing you so very much. You are never off our minds.
Our veins have the same blood, my history is your history.
One day you’ll be all grown and you’ll be able to hear all the things that you absolutely need to know.
Ever since we came back from the court trial, I have had to keep myself so busy because it’s the only way I can keep from crying my eyes out.
It has taken me about a month to even sit and write this letter to you.
I want you to know that I will always love you like my own child, nothing will ever change that.
You will be in my heart, in my prayers, and in my dreams. We can’t wait until you’re older, so you can be made aware of all the facts.
I have faith that we will be reunited and we’ll get to do all the things that families do, some of the things we missed, because there are so many moments that we’ll never get back.
I love you and miss you more every single day.
God will make this right….