This tragedy came upon us in November, 2004.
I have been writing about this adoption to my niece so that one day when I am finally able to see her, the story behind her adoption will have been documented and hopefully she will be able to see the truth from someone who wouldn’t lie to her.
She needs to know that we never forgot about her, that we never stopped fighting for her, and how much this devastated our family.
I think about her so much that sometimes I have to force myself to think about something else. I haven’t gotten a good nights sleep since all this happened. I have nightmares and she’s the first thing on my mind when I wake up.
For many years, I couldn’t even look at her pictures without completely breaking down. Now I look at her pictures to give me the strength to push through the hurt so that I’m able to write. It is crucial to me that my niece knows exactly what happened, from someone who truly loves her and wouldn’t lie to her, someone who didn’t buy her, or someone who left her mother and family in ruins.
The anxiety I feel makes my body feel like it’s burning from the inside out. Even though I have written the details for a book I am planning to publish, I was compelled to start this blog to help me to cope, I feel like I could just jump out of my own skin trying to figure out a way to survive this enormous pain.