Archive | June 3, 2012

Simply: Why?

I have found that this adoption has slowly consumed me and everything in my life.

How do you resume life after something so traumatic happens to you? How do you laugh when all you want to do is cry?

I sit here, almost 8 years later, doing what I’ve become accustomed to. Alone, writing, wondering, looking for answers, looking for a break in this madness.

I said that I would never rest until my niece is safely in my arms, and true to my word, I never have. I write to her, I look at her pictures, I work on scrapbooks that I hope someday I will be able to give to her.

I try to keep her with me as much as I can, having faith in God that He will make the wrong right.

One day this emptiness will be gone.

I never encountered so many awful people. I’m always asking myself, “how could they do such a thing?” Never  in a million years could I be a part of robbing a mother of the fruit of her womb. Paperwork or not. I don’t see how any of the people who did this to us can lay their heads down at night knowing full well they have ripped a family apart, all the while smiling while we weep. What right do they have keeping my own blood away from me? What kind of disgusting laws prevent family connection?

It makes me so mad that this adoption has a million red flags, and when you connect the dots, they all point to someone other than my sister. The thing is, if this were my sister’s choice, I know that no matter how much it hurt, I would have to support her decision. But the fact is, she was so taken advantage of, so naive, so afraid.

It breaks my heart to think of what my sister went through. It makes my heart ache to think about what she still has to go through. It hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt. …