Archive | July 18, 2013

Faith = Love

It’s so hard to be positive when the circumstances of your situation are so very negative.

How do you find any beauty in such an ugly situation?

The details are painful, and it physically hurts when I think about my niece, in the arms of strangers.

One day, my little love will come home, she will be welcomed with loving arms and tears of happiness.

I look so forward to the day when we are  free to love each other, to see other, to call each other aunt and niece.

Everyone wants to know where they came from, whom they belong to, what their history is…everyone wants to see faces that resemble their own.

God has a plan when he creates family and each of its members and ever since my niece has been gone, life has changed dramatically.

It takes all of my strength to make through one whole day, but with each passing day, that is one day closer to her homecoming.

So I pray…. I wait…. and I pray some more.

I have made it this far, almost exactly nine years.

That is over 3,000 days and extremely restless nights.

That is well over 6,000 prayers.

The tears that have fallen, it’s like trying to count the stars in the sky.

I never knew tears could fall so fast, or that two tears could come down one after the other, but they do, if the pain is great enough.

But hope is something no one can take from us.

The truth is something that can only be distorted for so long.

She will be home one day soon, our family will be complete, our hearts will no longer be broken.

We will feel an abundance of love and joy, and that makes me close my eyes and smile….

A Typical Day Of Writing ….

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This is a typical day of writing.

I’m in recovery and on sabbatical to write part one of this book.  

So before I go back to work in March, I have to find time to write in between taking care of my daily responsibilities. Hence why I mostly write at night, when the kids are fed and bathed and off to sleep.

This is a photo of the dining table in our family room behind the sofa. I sort of took over this table until my writing area was moved to the garage because of all the boxes of paperwork and files, letters, notes, and writings to my niece. I had to design a specific area for me to write, to organize the information for the book I’m writing about the adoption.

I have almost nine years of “stuff” that I need to sort through and put together, and finally printing out the files that I’ve been keeping and seeing the book come to life is a miracle to me.

Seeing page after page, knowing that our story is finally being told and documented is an enormous relief and the weight is being lifted off my shoulders little by little each day.

I go to sleep with it less, I don’t wrestle around the bed quite as much as I used to.

I pray now not with worry, but with faith….