I feel so sad, so heartbroken.
This experience has made me fall to my knees, made me cry day and night, even through the night. I wake up with dried tears on my face. It hurts. Time, what is that? One day rolls into the next. I wake up, and don’t know how I’ll get through the day; I go to sleep wondering how did I get through the day.
Is it so wrong for me to want a niece that is rightfully mine? I’m made to feel like “how dare I love her, how dare I want her.”
Is it so horrible that I just can’t seem to get it together after my heart was ripped out with cold, bare hands?
I think people really can die from a broken heart. The anguish and the raw emotion that losing a child brings is something I don’t recognize and hardly know how to explain. Only those that have lost a child can truly understand the emptiness, the sand falling one grain at a time through the hourglass. Each moment no less painful than the previous.
How do you make sense of seeing yourself do things you never would, not doing things you always did? I’ve changed so dramatically. So permanently. I used to love people, now I don’t want anyone I don’t know near me, I just don’t trust anyone. People are capable of terrible things, and they do them with smiles on their faces. They laugh when you cry.
A broken heart changes a person. I’ve developed severe fibromyalgia and can literally feel the pain and worry manifest with extreme body pain the worse my anxiety gets.
All day, I’m super-mom, super-wife and super-teacher.
All night, I’m hurt, I’m worried, I’m absolutely heartbroken.
A daily roller-coaster of comedy and tragedy.