Archive | December 5, 2013

Learning to Relax

After being wound up for so long it feels so good to just, be.

Books are my passion and I’m thankful I can escape into the pages, although I mainly read non-fiction I find a way to get away.

I’ve allowed myself the time to cry when I need to, but these days I find myself lost in thought about the future.

I know in my heart that one day all the emptiness and heartache will be over. The story will be told and I will be able to finally get on with a “normal” life, whatever that means. This huge weight will be lifted, my niece will be home, and all will be right in the world.

I’ve been praying to feel peaceful for so many long years and I feel it slowly happening. There comes a point when you just have to trust in God with all your heart and absolutely believe that evil never triumphs over good. The puzzle will be complete, and I’ll finally be able to smile without there being tears not far behind.

I am learning to relax and trust with my whole, broken-heart. I’ve had to force myself to take this much-needed break, but in my mind I never get that break. In a way, the thoughts start to pile on top of each other and I have to get it out somehow. It’s been so long since I’ve let myself be myself, I really haven’t paid attention to my own happiness in years. I’ve been this fighter, arguing every point of this case until I can no longer process information. This person desperate for absolution; for justice.

This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through and will ever go through and making it through this will be the greatest testament to faith. I am learning to be patient, to be hopeful. I pray, and I know everything will be alright.

She is still the last thought I have when I go to sleep, and I know when I wake up, she’ll be with me.



~ Sweet dreams to my babygirl, auntie loves you more than words can say….