Although I am a night owl, the afternoon of a rainy day calms my restlessness. I really enjoyed the cloudy day today. A mug of hot chocolate, a good book, relaxing in my getaway in the backyard.
I love taking these little breaks between creating lesson plans and planning events, both of which are year round and take a lot of time. I’ve mapped out every detail for one event after another; Superbowl Sunday, Valentine’s Day, a graduation celebration, an 18th birthday party, a quadruple baptism, two baby showers, a trip to Puerto Rico, and that’s just booking through May. I’m always being pulled in a million directions so this quiet time is essential.
A couple of years ago, I decided I really had to start taking care of myself again, not just taking care of everyone else and worrying myself sick, and it’s been a lot harder than it sounds. I had to spend time with myself, alone, figuring out what I liked and what made me smile because after neglecting myself for so long, I didn’t feel like I knew myself at all. So I’ve made it a point to pamper myself with little things like a pedicure, and haven’t been spending endless hours cooking and cleaning but instead doing things to make me feel renewed.
It’s so easy to get lost in the hurt of this tragic situation, but I’ve been making it a point to look ahead and think positive. Just because there’s nothing I can do now doesn’t mean I will be bound and helpless forever. God is in the business of miracles and I believe that one day we will be granted one. It gives me great comfort to know that He is keeping track of our tears, our worries, our wants, and our deepest hopes.
So as I wait anxiously for my niece to come home, I’ve decided not to fall apart any further. Despair has kept me from living, kept me from seeing all the wonderful and beautiful things around me. I want to focus on blessings not disappointments. I want to look up and not down. I feel like everything is going to be okay, everything will work out….