Light in the Darkness

Dealing with a situation of this magnitude takes an enormous amount of patience.

I want to shout from the rooftops about the horrible injustice bestowed upon my family at the hands of a sneaky, conniving neighbor and an infertile couple; but at the same time, it is so very personal and exposing the most intimate of hurts is not easy. In fact, it is quite uncomfortable. I want to bury the agony but instead I have to put it all out there.

I just want it to go away. I don’t want to think about it anymore. I don’t want to go to bed with it, I don’t want to get lost in thought, I don’t want the anxiety. I don’t even want to know about it myself, yet I have no choice but to document everything in hopes that their despicable acts will be made transparent. Since we weren’t given the justice we deserve, because the people who were supposed to protect us were the ones who kept it quiet for their own sake, I will make sure we get justice somehow.

It is mind-boggling how something like this could happen, in a county courthouse, and the district attorney and judge just looked the other way. A judge that later had to step down after many years for “misconduct”, a district attorney who acted like we were ridiculous for wanting answers. Our police reports never even received an answer. This tight-knit little town, where everyone knows each other and they live as if they’re above the law, and apparently they are since they just swept our accusations right under the carpet.

All I know is that I’m exhausted. I’m so tired and drained. I don’t know how I’ve done all this for so long. I don’t know how I’ve managed to keep it together when I want to come unglued. I’ve had to force myself out of bed when all I want to do is pull the covers over me and disappear. I’ve had to force a smile when I want to just fall to the floor and cry. I’ve had to be attentive to the needs of others when sometimes I can’t even eat because my stomach is all upset with nerves on edge.

It still feels like a nightmare I can’t wake up from. I can’t completely freak out like I deserve to. I have to be polite and proper toward people who are the absolute scum of the earth. And I hate it. As if they deserve any consideration. They should all be put away in a place where they can’t buy and sell babies.

I didn’t ever think things like this could happen, but they do. They happen more often than one would like to think. You just don’t think about people being capable of doing such things. The more you try to understand it, the more you realize you can’t wrap your brain around it. You just close your eyes and try to get away from it.

This has not only changed my life, it has taken it. There’s no such thing as a “normal” anymore. It’s all about trying to survive and maintain until I’m able to set the record straight. I have to stay strong and trust in God that this evil will one day be turned into something good. One day the clouds will clear and the brightness of the light will be heavenly….

 

2 thoughts on “Light in the Darkness

  1. I always admire your words for they express such strenth and so much love for Grace! I feel your pain for I also share the same pain as u for my sons. I believe God brought me to your story for a reason I happened to see your request for a writing partner on c list. I wonder how many other adoptions Letty arranged. How can this lady sleep at night. I pray for u and Serena that u will be able to have Grace in your life forever and that happens quickly. Peace to all of u yvonne

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    • Dear Yvonne.. your kindness and understanding have truly meant so much to me… this struggle has beaten me down and I’m so thankful God has let me know He is still working and that I am not alone.. know that you’re in my prayers and you have touched my heart… may God bless you always….

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