Wishing and Waiting ….

One of the hardest parts of this whole ordeal, is the stillness of the wait.

I want to just jump out of my skin, cry, scream, drive down right this second to go get my niece and bring her home.

Instead, I have to sit here quietly, keep all the barrage of emotions buried, pray through it, and try to breathe. I’m in a constant fight to keep myself calm. Every day I think to myself that we’re one day closer. Getting through each day seems like forever and as I look back at the years that have gone by, I really don’t know where the time has gone. It’s like I can literally hear the hours screech by. I never knew that quiet could be so loud.

The waiting is so hard. I think about all the time we’re missing out on, I wonder if she even knows that I exist.

As the days pass I ask God for strength, for patience. We’ll never get back all the time we’re missing out on, and that breaks my heart. I wish I could hold her close to me and never let her go. I wish I could read to her, I wish I could hold her hand.

I spend time with her by writing to her, by praying for her, by making things for her. She’s always on my mind and I want her to know that.

I wish we never had to go through this. I wish our family was still intact. What life would have been like without this dark cloud hanging over us. If not for this, everything would be okay.

What a horrible thing Lupita did. She stepped into our family, where she had no place, sold my niece away, and left nothing but destruction behind her. What kind of person would even think of doing such a thing? Every time I even picture her face it makes me sick to my stomach. She’s a baby seller, what else do you call someone who makes a profit from an adoption?

I just want this all to be over. I want our lives back. I want my niece back. But for now, all we can do is wish, and wait. I know God hears our prayers and sees all the tears we cry.

I love my niece with my all the pieces of my broken heart. I can’t wait until she comes home ….


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