Archive | June 2014

We Have Questions, They Give No Answers

I hardly ever write during the day, but I found a few moments to sneak away and get some things off my mind.

> How did the Elliot County Courthouse ever get away with this?

> Why was this woman setting up an adoption of all things while on the clock at her ticket and  scheduling window?

> Was it not Elliot County’s responsibility to protect my sister and her baby by not allowing one of their employees to do such a thing to them?

> Why have they not been held accountable for what they did to our family?

> Why have they pushed our very serious allegations aside as if this is something that should not have been fully investigated?

> Why is this woman still working there, typing our names in and able to keep tabs on all of us?

> What else has she done from that ticket window?

> Why did we find out that Judge Gavin resigned for years of misconduct years after we brought our case to his attention? Obviously he cared nothing about the morality and legality of our situation.

> Why does Elliot County just ‘ not get to answer ‘ our questions and prove to us that this adoption was legally done on their premises by a woman licensed to do so? Are they aware of the ‘ goodies ‘ this woman got from the adoptive couple as a result of this adoption?

> Whose desk are our police reports just sitting on? Are they not required to investigate and respond to our reports?

> Do they know Judge Campbell told me ‘ this entire building has been infested by what she’s done ‘ . He had to make it known that Lupita had involved him prior to the case coming to him so the opposing attorney had the right to have him recuse himself from the case, immediately after, he stated that he ‘ was going to do what was in the best interest of the child ‘ . No sooner than the words left his lips, the opposing attorney requested a new judge. I guess he knew that ‘ best interest of the child ‘ meant staying with her natural family, that all showed up and took up a row of seats.

> Why can no one do anything about it? Every office I’ve dealt with has told me that Elliot County would have to do an investigation because it’s their jurisdiction. Do they understand that Elliot County doesn’t want to explain how such an adoption took place, why adoption forms were being faxed to and from her office, why phone calls were made to and from her office, why the pregnant teen was her former neighbor and living at her house, why she was meeting with the adoptive couple, why she made all meetings and appointments in the 28 days this adoption took place in, why the couple flew her to the baby shower as the ‘ guest of honor ‘ , why the couple gave her an engraved Tiffany & Co. bracelet that read ‘ to auntie Lupita .’   Why my sister’s hospital bills remain unpaid, her wages garnished, her daughter gone, thanks to Lupita’s ‘ help .’

> Do they know the agency that handled the adoption lost their license to practice less than a year after we brought our allegations to them, for reasons they will not disclose?

> Is ‘ Adoption for Profit ‘ in the employee handbook?

> Why are our allegations not ‘ serious ‘ enough to be fully investigated?

 

> Why?

 

> Why?

 

> Why?

 

Somewhere Between Lovely and Lunacy

If it weren’t for this, life would be good.

Beautiful kids, lovely home, garden, nice car, many people who love me and multiple proposals, two great simultaneous careers: teaching preschool and event planning.

Writing a book that is nearly ready for print. I vacation several times a year, recently escaped to the Eastern Caribbean, another getaway to Hawaii soon.

I have a niece and nephew that no one can take from me. I’m creative, smart, one-of-a-kind Pisces girl, throwing a baptism for 6 in a few months, and much to my excitement, all the boxing! I’m a huge fan and I feel so spoiled with the recent fights of Pacquiao, Cotto, and upcoming Canelo fight. I’m the world’s greatest hostess for the fights, UFC, and Superbowl. Tons of food ( and I cook the best) a huge television with a Bose sound system, fire pit with chairs in the backyard, pool table, Dominoes, darts, and loud music in the garage. As long as I can remember, people have always come to my house for celebrations and kick-backs because no one does it better. 

It has taken me so long to fight back, to want to be alive, to want to smile. I keep thinking back to my life before all this happened. It was normal, whatever that means.

Then one day, the carpet got yanked out from underneath us and nothing would ever be the same again. It changed absolutely everything. After that point, I felt like everywhere I went, I needed security. I know it sounds odd, but it just means that anything can happen at any given time. If only I could have security for everyday life, to protect me from all the bad things in the world, all the awful things people do to each other without a second thought.

So life went from things like toasting ‘ to love’ and being VIP everywhere I went (which is everywhere) to breaking everything I could get my hands on in the house. Many dishes and decorations were casualties of this bizarre circumstance. A lot of screaming and crying, weeping, begging, praying.

It’s been so up and down, and it made a lot of people lose a lot of things. Marriages, miscarriages, great jobs, friends, homes, smiles, happiness, senses of well-being. I have always lived by ‘ Trust None ‘ and though I’m bouncing back, it unfortunately remains true.

Slowly the cynical is being chipped away. Other than God, I really leaned on myself to get through this. I didn’t want to burden friends, I had a partner who was clueless and careless, I didn’t want to further break the hearts of those I loved so I couldn’t speak of it. After all this time, I’m finally realizing I am strong, and I have made it this far. I haven’t given up for one single moment. Each day I thank God and when I finally lie down, I think ‘ one day closer . ‘

One day, life will again be sweet. No distractions of anything adoption. I won’t have to say the ‘ A ‘ word, I won’t have to carry it on my shoulders, and it won’t give me any more nightmares. I just want to be free of this. I want myself back, I just want everything to be okay again.

Always Making The Time

After a blissfully busy day, which started out very early with my eldest daughter, a rare and delicious cup of coffee, and the heartwarming movie ‘The Water is Wide’, now is the quiet time I cherish.  

The time I get to spend with my niece.

Kids are all tucked in after being fed, bathed, read to, and prayed with.

The house is spotless, Joyce Meyer on the television.

Got a ton of homework done, and decorated 45 cupcakes for my son’s class to celebrate his 15th birthday today.

Taking full advantage of my sabbatical over the next four months as I await surgery and recovery, I am enjoying every moment at home taking care of the two little babies I was recently blessed with. Although I miss my students everyday and can’t wait to get back to my classroom, I love falling in love with my miracle babies all throughout the day. Then when I go back to work, my son will be in my class and the baby girl will be in a nearby infant classroom so I’ll have the best of both worlds; having a career I love and spending the first five critical years with the babies I prayed for over eleven long and disappointing years. Losing two babies because of this ugly adoption was and always will be excruciating. Wondering about the two babies that may have been puts a lump in my throat that I cannot swallow. So as much as I hurt over that, I am trying to fully appreciate the blessings that are right in front of me. But when your heart hurts, it hurts. You can’t tell it to stop because it’s slowly killing you. The absence of the presence of the ones you love will run through your mind a million times a day. Their place is never replaced.  

No matter what I’m doing or how busy I get, I always make the time to try to achieve the heart to heart with my niece that I am so desperately longing for. I do anything I can to keep her with me. I see the resemblance of her little face when I look at the babies and though I am consumed with absolute joy, I can’t help but think what I wouldn’t give to hold my niece just as close. I just want to look at her, and when I once again do, I’m sure she will see and feel the love in my eyes.

So before I get ‘tucked in’  and pray, I want her to know she is always with me. It is sheer devotion to her that drives me on in this lonely, unbelievable, and indescribable crusade. It’s madness, a huge monster with a life of its own. Being away from her is a slow and tortuous ordeal. But I never lose faith. I never lose hope. I imagine our reunion and it makes me smile, my soul elated …. Then and only then will I be able to fully breathe, to fully live, to fully love.