This piece of writing is dedicated to my sister, and no matter how old she gets, she’ll always be my baby sister. Her strength amazes me and her hope inspires me.

I cannot imagine how she feels or how she keeps going. I think she is still so lost and confused about what happened to her, it will never make sense. I think God protects her by specifically giving her extra happiness and blessings because if He didn’t, I know she would wither away from heartbreak.

I close my eyes and clench my jaw and fists, still in disbelief that this has happened. All this time later, I still say that had this truly been her decision, I would have to find a way to accept it. But when two and two never added up to four, I am well aware of the fact that this was an immoral, unethical, and ultimately, illegal secret adoption. It just doesn’t add up. In adoptions that are done the right way, there aren’t so many red flags. There isn’t a tug-of-war over a living, breathing, human being. How can you take a child away from her mother and family, regardless of paperwork you obtained and gifts you gave out?

I could never do such a thing and neither could anyone in my family. We’re always the ones to help everyone. Had I adopted a baby, and the mother said to me, please give me my baby back, I was under extreme duress, and the decisions were made for me while I was under the enormous pressure of just not knowing how to tell my parents, my baby should never have been taken this way… I would hand that baby over with loving arms, wish the mother, baby, and family well, and just trust in God that He would give us a baby that was meant to be ours.

You don’t fix your own infertility by taking the fruit of another woman’s womb. No matter how much paperwork I had, I could not rest knowing a family and mother wanted their baby, and rightfully so, and I was just so desperate for a child that I didn’t care. I couldn’t destroy a family to create my own. I could never take advantage of a young, vulnerable, teenage mother, at a time she needed her family support more than ever. This adoptive “mother” should have been well aware of that, having a master’s degree in psychology she should have known the emotional turmoil this fragile girl was in. If this mother and her family came to me and said, we just didn’t know, please do the right thing and give her to us her family, I wouldn’t be happier than to reunite mother and child.  

It takes every bit of prayer and trust in God I have to maintain my composure in the midst of such an emotional battle. What my sister feels, I wish I could block it out of my mind because it hurts so much for me to think of. It gives me such an anxiety thinking about how my baby sister was taken advantage of, and thrown away. She must have been so incredibly scared, so alone, so lost, so confused, and in an indescribable state of panic. It was pointed out that she was sleeping an awful lot, she was trying to sleep away her pain and desperation.

She prays and has learned to forgive herself because it is clear that she was a victim of an evil force at work. A naïve and frightened young girl didn’t stand a chance against lawyers, vultures, and highly educated people with life-experience. No one in her corner, Lupita being given gifts and being the guest star in every detail of this adoption, she did what she was told, and even when she expressed uncertainty, she was blatantly ignored.

I hurt because my sister hurts. I feel guilty, helpless, disappointed, angry, and unnerved because I can’t do anything to help her. I don’t want someone I love so much to hurt so deeply. I wish I could take all her pain away and put it on my shoulders. I wish no more tears to fall from her eyes. I want her to know, I understand. I am on her side and I will do whatever I can to help tell her/our story. I will make sure her voice and her side of the story is finally told. I write to ease the ache in her heart. I say what she gets too choked up to express. I know my sister, and I know how to explain what she feels. With one look in her eyes, I can feel her emotion.

I will always be here for her. I will be here to listen and to tell her that everything is going to be okay. She is courageous, and she will one day be vindicated. Then, finally, we will all be able to rest.