Archive | December 2014

The Beauty of the Love No One Can Take ….

As I watch the breaking news reports of the traffic and protests mixed with Christmas commercials trying to sell you everything you don’t need, I am simply rolling my eyes at how ridiculous it all is.

There are people suffering, children going hungry; not just on the other side of the world, but literally down the street.

I care not about fancy cars, flashy jewelry, and the endless distractions of Hollywood. I wonder how people do the things they do, why they don’t seem to care about anything, how they ignore ‘the heart’ of issues.

It’s Christmas Eve and before I leave for a lovely dinner in a candle-lit room with family and friends, I just wanted to take a moment to pray and spend with my niece. There’s never a time I don’t miss her and hardly a day I don’t work on our many efforts from paperwork to phone calls (and everything in between) to bring her home.

I am finding a comfort in knowing that no one can ever take the love in my heart, the compassion I have for others, all things beautiful about my spirit.

I take care of everyone, I dote on those I love, and the things I cherish are not materialistic. I am always putting myself to work for the greater good, with everyone from my students, to children, to strangers I come in contact with in daily life. I am thoughtful, I am loyal, I am a devout believer, and I see with my eyes closed, lead by feeling.

Love will always find a way…. it will wait, it will return if it is ever goes astray. Love is everlasting, it is of the greatest importance, it leaves an imprint, it is so valuable. It defies all reason, it is the strongest force. It can change the world, one act of kindness at a time.

It is my hope that my niece will find the love within the pages of this book, love that is documented with these written words. I hope she will find the love that is within us, her family.

Lord, hear my prayer, and may He give us the “want” to still see the joy ….

Crying and Can’t Think …. This is All We Pray For ….

~ ” Rest Your Head Close To My Heart,   

     Never To Part …. Baby of Mine ….”

                              ~ Bette Midler

To My Sister; Whom I Adore …. And Our Baby We’re Waiting For….

I know you hurt and feel a pain that no one could ever fully understand, not even your family that has gone through it with you.

I can’t imagine what sadness and emptiness you feel. I think about how scared you were, how alone you were. I know how badly you wanted to tell us but couldn’t and I hate that someone we all trusted did such an incredibly awful thing. How can you profit from someone else’s pain and sleep at night?

You were taken advantage of at the most vulnerable time of your life by so many “grown ups” and at least one of them should have recognized the magnitude of what was happening. A desperate couple with a bag of money and jewelry, a court clerk setting up this rush job in a mere 28 days, the most important person, being you ( and your baby as you were still one ), left with no lawyer or advocate, no one from your family by your side to take care of you and help you.

You were told your voice would be heard, and it never was, so I am making sure it is and will be. As your big sister, I told you many years ago that I would take this on my shoulders, because you did not need to carry it on yours.

What happened to you was not your fault, but the fault of those that had everything to gain from YOUR child. No one cared about the girl with the pretty brown eyes that would be left behind. Well, I do.

I care about what this has done to you, and us. I write out our story one word at a time in hopes that someday, your daughter, my niece, will know the truth. She was literally taken from your arms, and what was taken from you as mother and daughter at that moment, was an incomprehensible injustice, and crime of the heart. A crime against a mother and child, who never had a fighting chance because of the vultures surrounding them.

It should have been our family in that delivery room, welcoming one more of our own. Had we known, that couple and their cohorts wouldn’t have been allowed within a hundred miles you or our baby.

Your daughter was, and will remain YOUR daughter, paperwork isn’t going to matter for very much longer. Soon, we will have a reunion that will  make the heavens sing. Don’t you ever hold your head down, you hold your head high and know that God will lead our baby home. No matter her age, she will always be our baby.

I understand that you are so incredibly damaged that you can’t even speak of how you feel because only a few words get out before tears of agony and gasps for air.

I write our story because it needs to be told, it needs to be heard.

I dedicate every moment I spend, writing, researching, seeking out answers; to you, my baby sister and your precious daughter, my niece. 

We got blind-sided by the evildoers once, guarantee it won’t happen again.

I will continue to fight for the voice you and your baby, never had.

Love knows no time, space, or distance, and it can overcome all things, even something as messy and hurtful as this ….


The Truth Will Lead Her Home; Love Will Make Her Stay ….

Today I had a “me” day, and I chose to use it to work on our case. I spent the day going through a few thousand pages of paperwork, reading complaints, reading the deceptive lies of the adoptive couple. In a quick description, I hated looking at every single page. Hate is a strong word and entirely appropriate.

As my eyes go over each word of this monster that is not your ordinary adoption case, I am exhausted and running on pure passion for my niece. This adoption never should have happened and I wish this was not our reality.

All the work and writing I do takes hours, from the early morning until the early morning. The time just ticks on and by the time I look up, it’s 2 or 3 in the morning. I quickly wrap it up, pray, and hope not to have nightmares.

This afternoon, I got envelopes ready to be mailed to the Supreme Court Justices, I kept track of what I researched today, I spent my day amongst court documents I dread going through. I had to stay calm as this stirs up so many emotions. Candles lit around me, praying that one day we won’t have to go through this any more. I await the joy that will come after all this sorrow. A case is worked on little by little, it doesn’t happen over night, some cases take years and years. Whatever ours takes, we will go the distance.

I was also working on retyping and reformatting so I can add important letters and documents to the book for my niece.

I am tired, my glasses have hurt my fragile nose that is just a few months out of corrective surgery, but I had to push through it. Until we get some answers and our voice is heard, I will push through anything.

The need for justice knows no bounds. If my neck hurts, I put the heating pad around it, if my wrists start tingling from writing for hours on end, I put my sports wristbands on, if I start having anxiety, I pray.

I will continue to stand up for my sister, niece, and family; until it’s right, I won’t rest. I have found strength, faith, courage, most of all, I have found the true meaning of love, loyalty, and commitment. I have learned the pen is mightier than the sword. (Or the laptop keys, in this case.) 

The more hopeless it seems, the more I refuse to give up. I have reached thousands of people all around the world, one by one. I have learned that I am not alone and that so many others feel my pain. I have been given so much love and support, and that support helps me sleep just a little better.

I am determined, I’m a survivor of many, many traumas, and I don’t give up on what I believe and know to be true.

The truth will lead my niece home, and love will make her stay ….


Special Thanks to Helena Normark at GraphicGarden.Com

bears love

Writing about a topic such as unjust adoption brings out the most deepest of hurtful emotions. It’s hard to put anything beautiful into something that is so horribly painful.

For ten years straight, I have worked on our case, this book, personal letters, a scrapbook of hopeful memories to be made, a time capsule in a beautiful box with ribbon and charms, a family recipe book; anything and everything I can think of to keep my niece close to us and to document this all-consuming, life-altering event.

Journal entries, phone calls, research: I have tried to timestamp every detail.

I recently thought of another way to keep track of all pertinent information in the form of a monthly calendar so the constant efforts being made to bring my niece home will be easily readable at-a-glance.

I have searched the internet for calendars, cards, and graphics to occasionally insert into entries and have found the best designs at GraphicGarden.Com.

I am respectful of copyrights and wrote a personal email to the wonderfully talented Helena Normark, and kindly asked her if I may use her beautiful graphics as I continue to document this unbelievable, non-fiction, fight for justice.

Ms. Normark granted her permission and sent me a sweet response with well-wishes.

With love, I want to extend my deepest thanks to Helena Normark at GraphicGarden.Com for her compassion and support and for allowing me to use her lovely graphics in writing about a not-so-lovely story.


Thank you, Ms. Normark !


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