This song brings me solace …. patience …. not as easy as it seems …. It cuts like a dull knife ….
This page is dedicated with so much love to my cousin Big B ….
We stayed up until 5 am this morning talking it all out; two fun, loud, and Boss Puerto Ricans. Music playing, figuring life out, asking questions, finding answers. I let go of hurts I didn’t need and decided what I would allow to get to me or hurt me from here on. We reminisced about people and places that made us feel so good, just for one last time so we could move forward with force right up the middle.
We told story after story. We talk on the real …. charismatic survivors, stomping through the Bay Area living life to the fullest, happy to be alive as we remembered those that were taken from us way too soon.
I needed rest and I took this past week off. I made myself sit still. Four days this week, I blasted music until 4 or 5 am, ( Sorry and thank you to my non-complaining neighbors ), releasing my pain by floating away into the lyrics and beats. I just wanted to numb out the sharp sting of my niece’s absence.
The more I pray, the more I feel hope and usually that’s what I hang on to, but this week was just so hard for me to get through and I needed some rejuvenation. This never-ending fight for justice and vindication literally makes me scream out loud.
My cousin and I have always had each other’s backs and we get each other through the impossible with laughter, loyalty, and love.
He knew how badly I was hurting and just like he always does, he pulled me out of despair. My relationship with him is vital, and I am so grateful to have a person with such great love and character to make me laugh no matter how despondent I may be.
So Big B, this is for you …. for all your tender, loving care and because I couldn’t live without you. I love you so much. Thank you for always being on my team and being my right hand man, protecting my ailing heart and reminding me that things always fall into place …. It just takes faith and patience ….
Sabali …. Sabali …. Sabali ….