I began this piece of writing on January 6th of this year, 2016.
Immediately following dinner on the 18th floor and the firework finale at midnight on New Year’s Eve, my mind instantly switched gears back to a part of me that is missing.
I was thinking about what a big year this is.
She’s finally 12.
Have twelve years really gone by?
Twelve long years.
It feels like I have heard the clock ticking in the back of my mind. Each second going by …. tick …. tick …. tick ….
Can you imagine how maddening that is?
A richly fulfilled life with an over abundance of love, laughs, and satisfaction; the only darkness in the space of my being is the sadness that swallows me up at the thought of my niece’s absence and my family that is lost without her.
Hurting every day, trying to make the most of each day as we wait for a miracle.
This is the constant eclipse that covers the brilliance of the sun.
I stay busy. I try not to have a moment free because then that means I have time to think.
Time to hurt, time to cry.
Thank goodness my many talents keep me in demand, and people practically have to take a number to spend time with me.
Being lost in thought, time turns upside down.
An hour can feel like a minute, and a day can feel like a week.
One moment you see the flowers in bloom, the next you look up and you realize the leaves are rich with brilliant colors and the seasons have changed several times over.
This year my niece turns twelve and it has been both dreamed of and dreaded since that joke of a family court experience way back when.
This year she will learn the truth of her adoption and the circumstances under which it came about.
This year she will learn that she has been lied to by the people who have happily deceived her and called themselves her ” parents.”
This year the charade is going to be over.
This year, “mom” and “dad” are going to have a lot of explaining to do.
This year, there will be light shed upon the darkness….