Today is my niece’s birthday, for the next 11 minutes.
I felt numb all day.
I couldn’t speak.
I couldn’t cry.
I couldn’t do anything.
I went and parked up in the hills, one of the places I go to just think, and be still.
I couldn’t think much. My mind felt almost blank, unable to even register thought.
I have so much I want to say but I can’t get the words out. So much I want to do, but my hands are tied behind my back. I couldn’t take her anywhere. I couldn’t hug and smooch all over her, I couldn’t give her the cool “auntie gift.” My life feels surreal; like a dream I can’t wake up from. I keep thinking we’re almost there, it’s almost over.
One day she will know….everything.
The clock keeps ticking by, I have no idea where all these years without her even went. I have blocked out huge portions of my memory, unable to survive with even my own thoughts. I am so incredibly thankful I have everything written down, I couldn’t imagine if it wasn’t . Literally as I typed that sentence, I got a quick shiver of chills.
We’re almost done, we’re almost there.
Love withstands time.
Love endures though distance…. struggle.
I have to keep believing, because what is love without hope?
We’re so close, that tonight, I will talk and pray it out to God, and then, after I give it to Him, I’m going to sleep. And rest my mind. And my spirit.
We’re all about to be able to finally breathe, and heal.
For now, I place my love for her in God’s hands, that He will reunite us soon, and life will be sweet once again.
Happy Birthday, my love, auntie loves you….