Archive | October 2018

Is It Really Another Birthday That Has Gone By?….

Today is my niece’s birthday, for the next 11 minutes.

I felt numb all day. 

I couldn’t speak.

I couldn’t cry.

I couldn’t do anything.

I went and parked up in the hills, one of the places I go to just think, and be still.

I couldn’t think much. My mind felt almost blank, unable to even register thought.

I have so much I want to say but I can’t get the words out. So much I want to do, but my hands are tied behind my back. I couldn’t take her anywhere. I couldn’t hug and smooch all over her, I couldn’t give her the cool “auntie gift.” My life feels surreal; like a dream I can’t wake up from. I keep thinking we’re almost there, it’s almost over. 

One day she will know….everything. 

The clock keeps ticking by, I have no idea where all these years without her even went. I have blocked out huge portions of my memory, unable to survive with even my own thoughts. I am so incredibly thankful I have everything written down, I couldn’t imagine if it wasn’t . Literally as I typed that sentence, I got a quick shiver of chills. 

We’re almost done, we’re almost there. 

Love withstands time.

Love endures though distance…. struggle.

I have to keep believing, because what is love without hope? 

We’re so close, that tonight, I will talk and pray it out to God, and then, after I give it to Him, I’m going to sleep. And rest my mind. And my spirit.

We’re all about to be able to finally breathe, and heal.

For now, I place my love for her in God’s hands, that He will reunite us soon, and life will be sweet once again. 

Happy Birthday, my love, auntie loves you….