Tag Archive | Family

…. Because I Love You ….

 

 

I daydream about our life together, because I love you.

I stay stuck on hope, because I love you.

I cling to dreams, because I love you.

I pray for you with trembling hands and tears falling down my face, because I love you.

I keep you with me always, because I love you.

You’ve changed me through-and-through, all because I love you ….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Operate.

 

I escape into art.

It helps calm my spirit and inspires my creativity.

I paint.

I write.

And I dance.

I’m in my black bottoms that say ‘ Boss ‘ on them, a white wife-beater, and Adidas, feeling so free. This level of ‘ feel good ‘ is definitely worth sharing because something has come over me in such a way that is taking my breath away. 

Right now, this moment, I’m floating in the clouds. I’m going over choreography that will keep me in a state of euphoria until at least 4am. There’s no better feeling than that of getting lost into beautiful and sensual music, under the watchful eyes of a lover, going over each step, for hours, until it flows perfectly. It is incredibly intense.

I feel exhilarated.

I feel safe.

I feel loved.

I feel lovely and delicate, cleansed of sin, forgiven for hate.

I feel whole, as though time has stopped.

Note to self : …. love, music, dance, and energy can help put a broken heart back together ….

 

Tonight, Love Wins. 

Tonight,  for the first time in about ten or eleven years, my mother finds all of her children under one roof. 

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for not forgetting about us ….

No, I Don’t Forgive Them. Don’t Even Ask Me To. 

This hurts so bad, I can’t  sleep. 

My mind has been racing all day.

My heart feels heavy , and unforgiving. 

It’s a constant feeling of how-do-I-get-through-this. 

I want this over, and I want this right. 

I’ve never felt so helpless, or anxious. 

I close my eyes and just think … stop….stop…stop…. I don’t want it like this. 

I want to fix it, and can’t, and that makes it hard to even breathe. 

I can’t even sleep in the quiet, because it’s just too loud. 

 

Hate and Heart Collide ….

You keep it together;  incessantly resisting giving a beat down.

You don’t give up; even when colors all fade to black.

You never stop dreaming; even when nightmares shake you awake.

You keep going; pushing through the tears.

You figure it out; contemplating  impossible answers.

You don’t buy or sell the lies; you protect the truth with your very life.

You go all in; mastering the fine art of balance between pleasure and pain.

You don’t back down, you truck whatever is in your way.

You don’t apologize for standing firm; right is right…. now, or a million years from now.

You don’t let fear replace your fun; that rush is rare…. get it good.

You don’t let the circumstance take you from yourself; you immerse your entire being into ride-or-die love.

Most importantly…. you don’t become a fallen angel; you hold on to your innocence.